3rd today

I tought I would mention that some guy named "bob" wrote in my guestbook that cutting is the dumbest thing ever. Whoo hoo. Way to go bob. I'm sure a lot of us would agree with you, however if only it were really that simple. Gee...we could all be just like bob!

b noticed the cuts on my hip this morning. sometimes after we get done with breakfast we play a game to lure the other one off task. Well he lured me back to bed playfully telling me how soft and cozy it was. So I jumped in and tried to take over. Well long story short...we were laying there (i was in my underware) and he points to my hip and says "what's that?" I look, as if seeing it for the first time, and I lie. I say "oh, that? Hmm..." poke it a little "I guess I must have scratched it up somehow...maybe when I was moving things around this weekend?" He bought it. Thank goodness becuase I could not handle answering any questions about it.

He gives me this look when it comes to my mental health. Like if I complain about taking med and say, "I DON'T want to take this today!" I get the look. He hasn't seen SI on me since we have been dating. None. When I proclaim that the world has a problem not me, I get the look. I got the look when I quit the geodone, also the depakote, hmm, also when I said I wouldn't take zyprexa, trileptil, and trazadone. I got the look.

Really the biggest incentive to not hurt myself is to avoid being caught. It's worse than being caught by your parents.

SI isn't a good thing. I'm not an advocate of it in the least. But I know that for some, it's the only way to see their pain, and the only way to feel their pain. Some things are so intense that they cannot be expressed with words. That's why some hurt themselves. Well there's a million reasons...but that's why a lot of people do.

pb

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