1st today

I think I have today to myself to catch up on work. :-) whoooo hoooo!

Last night I had to visit w/ my step family. *wells up with tears* It sucked.

First I started to notice a very heavy presence. Felt down. Then my stepmom, Kathy, got there. she wanted to talk to me about the upcoming move. First thing she says is "have you thought about your job situation? I mean, how are you going to quit one job without another?" keep in mind that I started my first job at 13, and started working constantly at 16, working not one but 2 jobs. (all my parent provided was shelter, medical insurance, and occasional food. NOTHING MORE. No support, no love, certainly no money)I tell her that of course I have looked. Of course I have thought of that. Then she tells me how hard it will be to clean out a bedroom for me. How she has all these clothes and no place to put them.

At that point I burst into tears...and tell her that I just can't talk about this. Of all the pressures and demands in my life...she wants me to worry about her clothes. There isn't any need to worry so much about money becuase, although they are by no means "rich" they manage quite well becuase they are frugal.

Need I also remind her that her son (age 27) is living at home right now rent free? That he doesn't pay her a DIME? That she does everything for him, and that he has lived there a year now?

Then we start talking away from family (yes she made me cry in front of more than a dozen people) and I start crying again. I tell her that my mood stabilizer just started working recently. That I have a lot of mental demands, and that breaking up with brian hasn't exactly been easy. I reminded her that I have been going through a whole lot right now becuase I have to leave my home, my job, my friends, my loved ones. I reminded her that I have NO support from those that are physicaly close to me. I told her that I have thought of all those things...all the things I need to do upon arrival. But that I have to focus on me.

Most of all, I told her that I don't want anything from her and dad. I only ask for a place to live, and maybe a little food. I don't eat much to begin with (and even less lately) and i'm vegan, so I'm very cheap to feed. A few veggies, some rice and beans, and I am a happy girl.

all I ask for is a roof over my head. I'll do the rest.

I told her that I am an adult, I have been out on my own for 6 years, I have a car payment, credit card bills, a loan payment, pets, and so on.

At last she backed down off of me. She started crying. She said that it was insensitive of her to be that way.

D@mn right it was. She can be so nice sometimes, yet so insensitive. She even asked me if I could pare my pets down to one cat. I told her that I got Jura for Zen. That Zen get's very lonely...and that it would kill him to have to not only move from one home to another, but to also lose his companion. I also told her that Princess (my ferret) is sick. She has adrenal disease and I don't know how long she has left. She's 6 years old. I'm not going to just up and leave her now!

Anyhow...moving on. I'll write another entry. I'm just venting here....excuse all the hot air.

-pb

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