2nd entry today

I'm a little sad this evening. I spent the whole day working on finding a job. Submitted tons of resumes. It was honestly exhausting.

I got a call from claire, wanting to hang out, so I went over there. I knew it was going to be uncomfortable. Things have been a little shaky since the breakup with b. We did end up talking about stuff a little. I told her that I have been really lonely. Due to the break up with b, I have lost a family that I had grown close to, my friends drifted away, and of course b isn't in the picture either. I told her that I have been so lonely becuase he get's to hang out with everyone I used to hang out with. Her and I got it all worked out. It's still goign to be weird at times, but everyone will get comfortable anyhow. It's weird to hear people refer to me as his ex.

I came home this evening and he isn't here. it is a little sad to come home to an empty house....to know i can't go hug and kiss him before I go anywhere. Sometimes I still slip and call him "hun" but I haven't slipped and called him by any other pet names.

I know the sadness is inevitable....I know i can't prevent it, no matter how much drugs I use, how many men/women I have, no matter how much I stay on the run....it will catch me.

I'm going to go dwell on my lonely life for a little bit then go to bed. i have that interview tomorrow. I can only hope it will pay me what I need....but somehow I doubt it. I'll still give it my best shot. you never know eh?

-Sad little perfectbone

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