2nd one today

Still a decent day. But I have one of those sores in my mouth that hurt so bad. I'm pretty prone to them.

You know...these moodswings suck. bipolar moodswings are like nothing you have ever experienced before (unless you are like me). You never know what on earth to expect. You can't plan for them. And for some reason mine are moving faster than ever. A bud of mine suggested that it might be my effexor. I think he was right on the money with that one. My moods are swinging even faster since I got out of the hospital. I think. I suppose this journal would hold the answer to that...however I don't really believe in re-reading any of my entries. Seems silly to even document then doesn't it?

well ever since I was crushed in 01, I don't ever look back. I just can't. I am afraid I will notice something that I didn't see before, and it will destroy me all over again. Besides..living for today and tommorow is a much nicer thing right? It's almot as if...maybe I can run fast enough that all the bad will blur by and I won't even have to notice it. Maybe if I run faster, the past will be much farther behind and It won't hurt at all.

You know...today I noticed that I am far less obsessive than I used to be. I used to obsess for hours upon hours about somethings. I just could not get thoughts out of my head...now my thoughts are so shallow that i just scoop the surface. I remember when that changed...it changed when I started the zoloft then continued when I switched to effexor. I do love it. I don't feel pain so much anymore. Emotional pain I mean...I dont' have to dwell. However I find that I only get really excited or intense when I am in certain mental states.

You know...I am having a superwoman day. I don't know if it is the caffien/ephedra, or if it a manic moodswing. Eitherway...I would rather be on top of the world than sitting at the bus stop to hell.

pb

<< welcome >>