G' morning. I am feeling somewhat motivated this morning. I have already gotten more done in an hour and a half of work than I have in 3 days of work.

Yesterday i could not bear to come to work. I warned them that I would not come in though. When brian called me, I was at the craft store w/ my sis and neice. I started to stutter when he asked if I was going into work today. I coudl not face work...just could not wrap my mind around the idea.

Still lacking focus, but drinking coffee to kind of off set it. I think I will brew up another pot here. I have some lovely organic french roast here. yum. French roast.

I found a possible treatment for my fibromyalgia...but it would take a lot of commitment. I will have to think about it. Seems like I should not have to think about something that could reverse my symptoms...but it is a difficutl thing to do. So I have to research it some more.

Yesterday:

-1 pancake w/ blackberry jam

-1 serving of Terriaki tofu stirfry from whole foods deli

-1 soy dreamwich

-1/2 a mother earth burger

-1 tortilla w/ vegan chz

-1 bowl rice chex.

See...things have gotten way way out of hand. I just can't keep this up. My thighs are stretching out my once baggy jeans. It is too difggicult to find clothes in my closet.

I have been so lax. :`-( And of course it leads me to feeling "out of control" becuase for me my body is control, but with all the pain and crazyness I have been lacking control.

I still think about dying a lot...which I know is terrible. I worry that I will be a burdon to society. Society sucks.

Back to work

<< welcome >>