Just got back from the Psychiatrist and from the vampire. I didn't like this vamp one bit. I prefer my usual guy Reuben at CPS, but they sent me to quest this time and it took about 1.5 hours! *sigh* They had to have 2 big and 3 little vials. I have a huge knot and the whole process felt real "pinchy" which is not normal for me. Usualy it is pretty painles...maybe Reuben is better.

The manic episode is over, for the most part I think. It have begun to realize that I don't remember the past few days. Usualy my memory is pretty bad, but so bad that I look at things I wrote and don't remember writing them and hear about things that I dont' remember.. Kinda sucked.

The doc wasn't thrilled that I stopped the Geodon w/o telling him. I told him that I didn't want to have to pay him money to tell him I didn't want to take it when I already had to pay for the RX. So what is the verdict? He wants to keep me on the effexor 225mg, and wishes to add Depakote slowly to the mix. Whatever. Oh and he prayed for me. I guess at this point I will take all the help I can get, but I wonder if they charge more for prayer.

I have this thing about prayer...I am not a christian, but I don't care if they pray for me. hell i think that in reality it makes THEM feel a lot better about me and I do believe in the power of positive thinking.

Erbin my shrink, had to give me the obligatory bullimia speech. How it will kill you, how he has more people patients die of bullimia than from depression, yadda yadda yadda, rots your teeth, messes w/ your stomach. Oh really? Gee doc I had NO idea. Gee wiz! What I want to know is why he has so many people dying from it. Granted he can't save everyone....but he has many patients dying from mia? Not a good sign. Oh well I see him in about two weeks, and also my new therapit Diane in about 2 weeks.

Oh I went walking last night. Only a little ways becuase I am scared of my new neighborhood. there is only 1 streetlight and some xmas lights. I am not usualy paranoid, but we have a LOT of gang activity here in San Antonio.

I went to the bridal fair yesterday. A woman that I met in the hospital, Leo, was there. She won some stuff. Good for her! She needs it, her life is mess.

Brian was really pissy w/ me last night. I think he was restless. He is upset becuase he isn't doing better in life and he doesn't have money and this and that. I told him, LOOK...you have a home....you drive a nice truck...you have plenty of food...you have many computers, pets, toys, you name it. You know why we don't have extra money? becuase we are busy paying off our trip to scotland. Well that and my medical bills.

THen he got mad becuase he thinks I want him to be someone he isn't...soemone that doesn't stay on the computer. I told him that I didn't care if he stayed on the computer all the time, just give me some attention too! If I go to bed, go to bed with me at LEAST 4 nights a week. At least. That way I have some possible time with him.

Oh and update on the lack of sex thing, apparently I got some, but don't remember. I took two ambien. When you take 2 you don't sleep longer like I anticipated. No instead this mist developes all around you and you black out. I know nothing of what happend. I asked him if I was responsive, and he said yes, but that he did have to take me to the bathroom later.

Hmmm.

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