Ah, my meeting is over, and it went pretty well.

Before the meeting I was sitting w/ denise, one of the ladies I work for/with and she was asking me about my job. She asked me If I like it. Honestly, I have come to feel that I don't but I didn't want to say that. So instead I spoke about the way that I have managed to put my job together. since the realignment on sept 1, I have been figureing out exactly what my job entailes. So I have been working on getting all that togehter, and I told her that I enjoy the hr work that I do. And I love when I get to do something creative.

I would have liked to say that I feel really out of place here. Picture this meeting table. Jane in a grey jacket. Sonia in a black and beige blouse. Tony in his usual crisp white button up. Lisa in a grey turtleneck and black pants. Denise in a black dress. Me in a funky vintage polyester shirt w/ a print of oriental antiques done (however it is done a demure black and brown set of colors) and pants and strappy platforms. Chunky tigers eye necklace...dangling earings. Damn I hate this. I don't know how else to be! I try to dress like them most of the time, but I just can't BE them no matter how hard I try. I always do something different w/o even thinking about it. Like I will try to wear a nice black dress suite...but I'll end up opting for the chunky age of aquarius style necklace. Or a brown suite and w/o thinking I grab a nifty sparkling vintage granny broach.

More and more I just know that this isn't for me. Maybe I won't ever fit in anywhere? I try so hard to do the "grown up" thing. I keep a good steady job...have insurance...pay my bills...build retirement, and I make decent money working the 8-5 m-f american dream. And I try to buy the "grown up" clothes. Wear the "grown up" jewlery...and I even have plain ordinary shoes too. But maybe the problem isn't that I am immature...i'm just trying to fit a mold meant for someone else.

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