It seems so strange to me...to have everyone know so much about me. Not online...that doesn't matter. I am just another set of characters...more text and html than anything.

But claire just called to see if I had gotten into a doc and such. She is so worried. She wants me better too. It's hard for her to see me like this.

I like to keep up with random diarys and such...I read about a girl that killed herself. She was the one that was there for everyone else. Listened to everyones problems. Helped them through everything. But she killed herself. I guess no one realized that she needed a shoulder to lean on too.

I am thankful that I have shoulders. I know people care about me. Although there are so many times that my emotions tell me to die...that it would be better...there is no way I could. I love too many people. Too many people love me. That's why I hate the horrible visions so damn much. It makes no sense to me at all...I spend so much time wanting to destroy myself but in reality that isn't what I want at all. What part of me comes up with this crap? What part of my brain is set to "self destruct?"

Tia and Emily are coming to visit before long. I am happy about that :-) Emily is all of 10 now...*sniff, sniff* I can't believe she grows up so quickly. Too quickly. She is already 5'3 and 100lbs. I wish we lived closer together. I love that girl so much. I am also looking forward to seeing my sisters artwork. I hope she brings plenty. We can share.

*sigh* Mercury goes into retrograde before long. I am NOT looking fwd to that. Not one stinking bit. that makes yule terrible! Brian wants to fix the computer, but i say no way! Not till january and mercury has moved on! Otherwise we will be in the same mess we are in right now. The computer at home is in pieces and we are having to use a laptop from work.

oh the ringworm. I hope our house is rid of that fungus soon. I don't have it but I found MORE on Jura. The doc gave her medicine that she hated and it didn't work. So therefore I am going to fix it myself. She has like 5 or 6 spots. Brian has 2. One on his forearm and one on his stomach. I am surprised I don't have it as well. Even though I am the one that treats her, and grooms her and her wounds, I am obsessive about cleaning afterward and sanitizing the brushes.

I hope we can get rid of it. I had it once when I was about 14 or so. I had a huge bloch of it on my calf. Had it for like 3 months!!!

eh. Gonna slip over to the gas station. IN the the mood for dt dew.

Gonna go out tonight though. Going to the riverwalk w/ claire. We figure we will go see the lights and have coffee.

kisses

imperfectbone

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