4th today

I have been feeling pretty good today, so there has been plenty to read...not that you care...but maybe I can at least amuse you for a moment or two.

So I finished one round of filing. How exciting. Now on to the more difficult part. Not that filing is difficult, mind you, it's the BULK...and the SORTING. I don't like sorting words. I prefer colors.

So today has been interesting enough. I admitted to a friend of mine that I have a crush on him. Yeah, it isn't a big deal though, I'm sure he figured it anyhow. This is the first time I have had a crush on a man in a long long time. Been years come to think of it. *mind wandering* Usualy it's females. Men seem to be much easier to obtain though, as I am very 'straight' looking. Well anyhow I told him, I do hope it doesn't affect my friendship with him. I don't normaly tell anyone about these things...but he just brings out this honesty in me. You know? Besides...no point in side stepping the obvious.

Don't worry, I'm not dropping my whole life to run 1170 miles away from home. I'm a high maintenance pain in the ass these days, & brian puts up with a lot! A great friend is hard to find...and I wouldn't want to lose jeff as such. a long time ago we dissapeared from each other...as enticing as he is...I could lose him again.

However I do have to keep a lot of thoughts to myself. It's better that, way. I wouldn't want to encourage that sort of behavior in myself.

So any way, that's my scandalous moment of the day for you.

It has forced me to deal with certain questions I have about myself, however. Such as...how will I ever handle a monogamus relationship on the long term? No I don't run off and sleep with every person I crush on, that's not the worry. However, I am thinking deeper than that. I love people so deeply and so intensly. Sometimes, It is difficult to keep from expressing my love for some people. It's just not socialy acceptable. I have a lot of thoughts on the subject. But I am sure many of you would not understand. Just keep in mind that I'm not talking about lying or deceiving the ones you love either.

Gee...if I only get to love one person for the rest of my life...that's a long time isn't it?

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