Bad morning.

I got up. I remember standing in front of the closet forever. I was just so depressed. Then I started to panic. My fav tan pants were clean but rumpled and there was no way I could face ironing. So I stood there frozen. Brian had to pick out my clothes for me. It was just a bad morning. If it wasn't for him helping me out, I don't know how i would do it some mornings. He packed my lunch this morn...again.

I drove to work in a daze. It is pouring outside. I was also mad that he didn't use filtered water for my bottle. So I had go go buy water. As if I don't know the difference? I shouldn't complain. I should be grateful he tried.

This wknd wasn't too bad. Fri was awful...but sat was a great day. My self esteem was doing quite well. And sunday was somewhat simmilar. However I knew it could not last...I knew it! by last night it plummeted....gawd I knew it would. Now I am stuck paying for my sins.

I really need to get in to see a doctor I am so tired of this torment. The depression makes me want to hide. I spend far too much time destroying my skin. Right now I am just so tired. Want to crawl under my desk and sleep for a nice long while.

So here is a good note. I went hiking yesterday. It was a beautiful trail...only a littler over 2 Miles but it was so pretty. When the little golden leaves fall, its like snow. The closest we ever get to that kind of thing here....

-PB

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